Thursday, August 26, 2010


So, I think I'm having a meltdown.  For some reason, these past three days have been HELL on me.

I can't sleep, even though I'm absolutely exhausted.  I'll go to bed at about midnight and then lay there tossing and turning until 2-3.  I guess from the stress of everything, my restless leg syndrome crap is in hyper-drive.  My legs feel like they're CRAWLING, no matter how much stretching and stuff I do before bed.  They used to just it's almost to the point of feels like there are things crawling and pinching on them :(
They say it's agitated by stress, so evidently that's what's going on.

Then, once I DO get to sleep, I have nightmares.  Horrible, wake-up-crying kind of nightmares.  Nightmares like I haven't had since I was itty bitty, when Mom would come rushing into the room to cuddle with me and tell me everything was okay.

They're always about Charlee, about something awful happening to her.  There's a car wreck, a drowning, someone stealing her out of her window, someone taking her while we're at the park...right in front of me.  And they're SO realistic, that even after I wake up, I can still feel the fear, and have to get up and go sit by Charlee's bed for 10 minutes to prove to myself she's safe and snug in her bed.  Then I go back to bed, and the game starts all over...FINALLY get to sleep, and here comes another nightmare.

I'm so nervous all the time, and feel like a panic attack is lurking around every corner.  I've never felt so strung out or so run over.  Don't know how it's possible to feel so high and so low at the same time.  I feel like I"m putting on this face around everyone....when all I want to do is scream.

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About Me

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SAHM to a beautiful, wonderful, miracle princess named Charlee Jean. Married to my high school sweetheart for over 6 years now, and expecting another miracle baby in October 2011