Tuesday, December 7, 2010


My world stopped turning today, or at least slowed down.  John and I are no longer TTC.  I decided to quit my pills last month instead of taking the last month before starting CLomid.  I wanted at least a chance for us to conceive on our own...just because I wanted both my babies to be "natural" conceptions.  But now tomorrow, I will call to refill my birth control prescription and I will call to cancel my ultrasound, pelvic and other tests I had scheduled to start my Clomid...on New Year's Day.  A new start to a new year...a new hope for a new beginning..a. chance at a new life joining our family.  But now....now it will be a year with just the 3 of us...and a continuance at our 25% success rate at pregnancy.

We are planning to move home this summer, and when that happens, John may get a new job, so he wants us to wait and see what happens.  Wait and see...wait and see....the story of my life it seems.  So now we are postponing the chance at conception for another year.  Add to that the possibility of another 41 months, like it took us to conceive Charlee, and she will be well into kindergarten before I conceive...an age difference that I DO NOT WANT.  I've always wanted my kids close together, so that they at least MIGHT be better together than Katie and I were. :)

We've always discussed that if a second child didn't come in a more timely fashion than Charlee, we probably wouldn't have one.  So, I guess that's an option that I have to heavily consider now...something I never thought I would. 

So, I'll cry myself to sleep tonight and then hug my Charlee-Bear a little tighter tomorrow, and give her an extra kiss and snuggle, and spoil her a little extra.  She is my whole world, held up higher than anyone else in my life, forever and more....and if she is the only child that I get in this lifetime, she is more than enough.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

How Time Flies

It's hard to believe it's almost another Christmas...almost the end of another year!
December 17 it will be 6 months since we found out I was carrying another baby.  Last week it was 4 months since we miscarried that baby.  I can't believe it's already been so long.
John and I decided not to do the Clomid yet.  It still makes me too nervous about the unknown factors.  I already have several large cysts on my uterus and ovaries, and Clomid has a very high risk of fast-growing cysts, the reason why I will have to have a monthly ultrasound while I'm on the drug.  If they could guarantee that I would get pregnant again, I would be willing to take the risk, but they can't. 
So, John and I are going to TTC naturally for about 6 months or so.  We are going back to the charting and temping and all that stuff.  If we don't conceive by this summer, then we will go back to the OB/GYN and start the Clomid, but for now, we're just hoping it works itself out.
If we conceived this cycle, we will find out 2 days before Christmas, which would make this one of the best Christmases ever!! But, if/when we do conceive again, we're not announcing it to anyone until after I see a doctor...that way there are no more "public" miscarriages.  This is the only ones our parents have known about it, and that made it even harder.  Hearing my mom burst into sobs on the phone when I called her as we were leaving the doctor's office was one of the hardest times of my life, and I don't want to do it again if at all possible!


About Me

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SAHM to a beautiful, wonderful, miracle princess named Charlee Jean. Married to my high school sweetheart for over 6 years now, and expecting another miracle baby in October 2011