Friday, October 15, 2010

10/15- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

We have a 2 year old, but we should also have a 5 year old and a 4 year old.  We would've been 21 weeks pregnant today.  On this "remembrance" day, I think of the fact I have far more angel babies than real ones.  I wonder why we were chosen to bear this grief in our lives...always wondering what went wrong, and why.  We should have a houseful of babies, and we have just the one.  Don't get me wrong...our one princess is a beautiful, wonderful miracle, but the "what could be" still lingers every day...especially today, on a day MEANT to bring up the memories.

I know that my babies are up in Heaven, and will be waiting for me when my time comes.  I can't wait to hold them, and let them know that even thought we never got to meet, they have always been my babies and always have and always will hold a very special place in my heart.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Some news

We had our follow-up appointment on Friday to get the results back from the blood work my NP ordered three weeks ago.  They checked my hormone levels, thyroid and a few other things.  Since the tests were for "fertility" reasons, I had to see the actual OB this time instead of the NP I've seen ever since I came to this office.
He walked in the room and told me my blood work was all normal and then let it drop.  I jumped up and told him NO, we were getting some answers...I've waited a month for this dang appointment, he's not going to tell me everything is fine when we know it's not!!!
I told him everything that's happened, AGAIN.  He said that since my cycles are so short, I'm most likely not ovulating, and if I'm not ovulating, there's NO chance of conception.  So, he finally said we could try Clomid if we were "that interested in becoming pregnant".  DUH...that's why I was there.
So, I'm on birth control pills for 3 months to get my cycles back on a schedule and then we'll start Clomid.
I've talked to a couple of my friends and an aunt of mine who have all experienced major fertility issues and they said I should also be taking metaformin.  The OB didn't discuss ANYTHING else, just said we'd do Clomid and that was about the extent of the conversation.  After hearing everyone else's stories, I'm starting to feel pretty short-changed by him.  I want someone to answer my questions and discuss this with's pretty much the biggest thing in my life!!
After talking with my friends a little more, I think I'm going to see a reproductive endocrinologist, which is what they all ended up doing to get their best answers.  So, I'm going to get up in the morning and call to see if we can get in to one...hopefully this week while John is on vacation!!!


About Me

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SAHM to a beautiful, wonderful, miracle princess named Charlee Jean. Married to my high school sweetheart for over 6 years now, and expecting another miracle baby in October 2011