Last Friday (April 9th) was John and I's 5 year wedding anniversary. Things are still rough going though, so we didn't really do anything. I made Nana's Steak & Gravy for him for dinner, he played his Xbox and I worked on the family cookbook.
We had a few big discussion this week, namely on whether or not we're going to stay together. Sadly, it's starting to look in the "not such a good chance" direction. I love John, and I love having a family with him, but I'm just not happy any more, and evidently he isn't willing to change the things I'm not happy WITH. I'm trying my hardest to change the things he said he was unhappy with, but evidently it's not having as much of an effect as I was hoping it would. Many of the things are things I haven't really had a CHANCE to prove I can change on, but somehow....I don't really even think it matters anymore.
Whether this relationship wins or loses, I'll always be thankful for the time I've had with him. It's been a great almost-7 years, and we have a beautiful daughter out of it. We've had our good days and our bad ones, but they've all been memory makers, and I don't regret one second of our time together.
So every night I pray that things will magically be different in the morning, but somehow, having a man who barely touches me and would rather go to movies with his friends than me....isn't exactly my idea of a healthy marriage. I get that we each need our alone time, but well....mine so far HASN'T been scheduled during important times. Oh well, on to a different topic.
Charlee had her first allergic reaction Saturday. She woke up covered in HUGE hives all over her body. They've kept on getting worse, so we went to her doctor today, who's brilliant revelation was "she's allergic to something". Dear God, the angels must have whispered it in her ears...no one else could have EVER came to that conclusion. Gee, can you sense the sarcasm here?!?!?
So, I'm going to call her allergist and see if we can reschedule her appointment from next week to THIS week, see if maybe HE can have an educated guess and figure out what she's reacting to that's causing her to look like this!
Today was also Charlie's birthday. How I miss my "DeDee" and wish he was here to see his namesake! He would love and spoil her just as much (if not more) than he did me and Katie when we were kids. The day Nana introduced us to him, was the best day ever!!! He stepped in and really took up where our other grandpas had lacked. He was the greatest guy, and was always there to help with whatever the problem was...and he could fix anything in the world. I miss him every day, but I know he's still around here watching over us.
It's so crazy, some mornings I'll wake up to Charlee talking in her room, and when I get her up, I'll ask her what she was doing, or who she was talking to, and she'll say "DeDee". It's sweet, and I REALLY think it's him here, because when the rest of us talk about him, we always just call him Charlie now. I like to think he's her guardian angel, because I SWEAR I could smell his cologne in the delivery room!
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